HFW Tournament of Champions

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

MONDAY NIGHT MANA 01/28/13

Hello and welcome to High Fantasy Wrestling's debut showcasing of Monday Night Mana. I'm your host Mean Gene Roddenberry, here with co-host Larry Mxyzptlk, and we've got a phenomenal show for you tonight.

Right you are Gene, and lets jump straight into the action.

CRUISERWEIGHT MATCH

Hot Rod vs. Sniper

The Sniper beats Hot Rod when he makes him lose balance in a puddle of piss, taking the chance to deliver the money shot and power down Rod for the three count. 

CRUISERWEIGHT SUBMISSION MATCH

Spider-Man vs Gordon Freeman

The Gravity Gun leaves Spider-Man grounded for the fight. Coupled with loyal ant lions, Freeman is able to finally get Parker to pass out for a default submission.

WOMENS MATCH

Catwoman vs Sasha Grey

Though the under-cat, Catwoman is able to hold her own for much longer than expected against Sasha. However, when Catwoman's roomate/possible lover Holly Robinson shows up to support Sasha, the jewel thief loses her cool. Sasha gets on top for this final act.

WOMENS FIRST BLOOD MATCH

Sailor Moon vs. Danaerys Targaryen

In an odd turn of events, Sailor Moon wins by technicality. 

13 year old Danny's period has been her bane on this day. 

HARDCORE KNOCKOUT MATCH

Vash the Stampede vs Bender

A historical first, Bender found a way to be disqualified in a no-rules match. Vash wins by DQ.

HARDCORE CAGE MATCH

Raze vs Skeletor

Raze had a bone to pick with Skeletor. And a Lycan can easily climb walls. 

TAG TEAM MATCH

The Men of Steel vs The Liberal Handouts

The Goon and Bizarro seem evenly matched, but Morpheus spends most the fight thinking Superman is the chosen one and trying to get him to join him. Superman easily dispatches him.

TAG TEAM MATCH

Evolution vs Worfenstein

For the fourth time in his life, Worf learned that you don't fuck with Data.

HEAVYWEIGHT MATCH

The Tick vs Optimus Prime

With some assistance from Arthur, The Tick manages to win by sheer dumb luck. 

HEAVYWEIGHT IRON MAN THREE-MAN MATCH

Beorn vs Vega vs Solomon Grundy

Beorn and Solomon Grundy both end up with an equal 4 pins to Vega's 2 after a while, but can't seem to get each other down. Finally Beorn figures out a workaround and just pins Vega one more time before the time limit is reached.

Monday Night Mana 1/21/13

Hello and welcome to High Fantasy Wrestling's debut showcasing of Monday Night Mana. I'm your host Mean Gene Roddenberry, here with co-host Larry Mxyzptlk, and we've got a phenomenal show for you tonight.

Right you are Gene, and lets jump straight into the action.

CRUISERWEIGHT MATCH

Luke Skywalker vs. Nightcrawler

Gene, this seems like an unfair matchup.  Luke hasn't fielded well since becoming an amputee, and Nightcrawler   is infamous for his ability to maneuver around the ring.

That may be true Mxyzlwhatever, but don't count the man out. He has been more aggressive since his horrible car wreck, and has honed his mind and body to the peak of their abilities. Here he comes now.

Luke enters the ring to 'Star Wars Gangsta Rap.'

Nightcrawler appears in the ring while some Gregorian Chants play.

Nightcrawler seems to be starting out strong with a series of tailwhips. Luke seems to be frustrated and can't concentrate to perform. 

Nightcrawler is all over the place. Luke can't pinpoint him.

Wait, Luke seems to be up to something. He is letting Nightcrawler assault him but appears to be in some form of trance. What is he up to Larry?

I don't know but he better stop soon, it looks like Nightcrawler is preparing for his dreaded teleport dropslam. Wait. Whats wrong with Nightcrawler? Hes on the mat, holding his head.

Appears to be having some internal struggle Larry. Might of had too much Ice Cream before the match. Well look at this. Nightcrawler is actually up and walking around the ring. He never does that. Has he forgotten his skills?

Good question Mean Gene but theres no time to figure it out, Luke is on the assault and appears completely healed.   A distraught confused Nightcrawler can't compete. Oh no, theres the armbar destroyer.

And there is the force slam. Luke has him down. The 1, the 2, the 3. And thats a match. Skywalker wins.

CRUISERWEIGHT MATCH

Captain Condom vs. That Nigga Merlin

Well ladies and gentlemen, I have to apologize as it looks like our second ever match will result in a victory by default. Captain Condom is just never around when you need him, so That Nigga Merlin is going to take this one just for showing up.

Sounds like affirmative action at work Gene.

WOMENS MATCH

Red Sonja vs. Pyro

I've got to go with Pyro here Larry. She is way to familiar with Red vs. Blu scenarios.

IF that even is a woman. How do we know? Has anyone confirmed this?

Well, I heard that Soldier fucked her.

Soldier is crazy. That proves nothing. But here they come.

Red Sonja enters the ring to 'Angel Witch', by the band of the same name.

Pyro gleefully bounders out to 'Do You Believe in Magic?' by The Lovin' Spoonful

Sonja starts strong with an aggressive series of assaults.

Yes but Pyro appears unfazed and continues to gallop towards her with no sign of defense, and is continually attacking as well.

----45 minutes pass----

This is absolutely bizzare. This just keeps going on. 

I'd call it an erotically aggressive bit of lesbianism if I believed both of them were women. Most people would of been dead a half hour ago. It just keeps going back and forth.

And there is the bell. Time has ran out. These two have tied by timeout. Looks like we'll have to wait to see which woman is the craziest and most injury-ignoring badass next time. 

WOMENS BRA & PANTIES MATCH

Buffy Summers vs. Ellen Ripley

This is a first Gene. Ellen has actually entered the ring already in a wifebeater and panties. 

Right you are Larry. The judges are entering the ring now. Uh oh, Ellen looks pissed. Shes yelling something about sexism. Wait, is Buffy agreeing with her?

I think so - well there goes doubt. The commissioner is on the mat, and Buffy has the bellringer in a chokehold. She could put my dick in a chokehold Gene, if you know what I mean.

I think she heard you Larry. Yes, she definitely heard you.  I'd run Larry. Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to cut to break while this plays out. I think we can assume Buffy will be DQ'd as well, so it looks like this is a double DQ instead of a win by default.

HARDCORE THREE-MAN MATCH

Soldier vs. Cthulhu vs. The Comedian

We will be watching this match from our big screens as it takes place in a remote area thousands of miles from the stadium.

Yes Larry, safety first. Though I do feel bad for the poor soul who has to ref the match. And it looks like all three are there so lets watch the action.

This should be an easy win for the Rowdy Rl'yehian. He can just drive the other two insane.

His old tactics won't work here Larry. These two are already insane. 

....4 hours of explosions, brutal assaults, and violent hate crimes later....

And now we've got another bomb from Soldier. Looks like that knocks all three out again. There is blood everywhere I can't make anything out.

Wait a second Gene. The ref appears to be doing a 3 count. What does he see that we don't?

Look at The Comedian Larry. It looks like one of Cthulhu's ummm, tentacles?, landed on him. The ref appears to be counting that as a pin. Probably just to get the hell out of there while he still can. Looks like Cthulhu wins.

HARDCORE FIRST BLOOD MATCH

Gary Gygax vs. Teddy Roosevelt

And now back to action here in the ring. We've got two older white men who from a far appear to be nothing special. But do not be fooled.

Thats right Gene. This is former United States President and current Badass Teddy Roosevelt, about to go toe-to-toe with Dragonslayer E. Gary Gygax. This match is set as first blood, so whoever makes the other bleed first wins.

The bell has sounded. What is Teddy doing? He seems to beckoning towards the backstage. Is that a moose? TEDDY IS PICKING UP THE MOOSE. HE IS WIELDING THE MOOSE AS A WEAPON. Gygax is already bleeding from that hit. This one was fast.

TAG TEAM MATCH

Test Phase (Doc Brown & Uncle Fester)
vs.

Venom & Carnage (Venom & Carnage)

The bell never got a chance to ring. V&C started assaulting the two, and the entire Asylum stable came from the back to kick their asses for doing so. The rumblers then refused to stop to reset for the match to begin. Double-DQ.

TAG TEAM MATCH

Totally Turtle-Tastic (Leonardo & Donatello)

vs.

BMBC (Jules & KITT)

The bell rings and its Jules vs. Donatello to begin. Jules seems to be taunting Don. Asked him where the hell mutated turtles come from.

Don seems confused. Asked what. That seems to have pissed Jules off. They're in the turnbuckle. 

Ouch, a Shellslam has hit the ref, looks like he is out cold. KITT takes advantage by attacking Don from behind. Don is locked up in the trunk and it sounds like he may be in pain.

Looks like Dead Turtle Storage today.  Leo is in the ring to fight. The ref is back up. The ref doesn't see Don.  Refuses to accept Leo as the legal man.  Counts Don out. BMBC wins by countout.

HEAVYWEIGHT CAGE MATCH

Swamp Thing vs. Iron Man

Stark comes on strong with an arsenal of weapons, but Swamp Thing's body seems to absorb them and regrow. Iron Man then heads over and begins laying some heavy punches onto Swamp Thing.  

But Swamp Thing has a trick up his sleeve. He regrows around Stark's fists, sealing him in place. Now Swamp Thing has Iron Man in a  Roothold.  Stark is trying to break free but can't seem to.

Looks like Swamp Thing is going to take the opportunity to win by escape. Climbs over the cage. And thats all there is.

HEAVYWEIGHT MATCH

Batman vs. Thor

We've got two phenomenal warriors here, but it seems like Thor has an unlucky advantage.

Batman seems to be aware of this, but showed up to fight anyway. At least Thor can't use that damn hammer without being DQd. 

And here we go. Thor actually is feeling the hits that Bats is throwing but here he returns landing a trio of Godbombs against the mortal. Batman has a busted lip but seems to be laughing and taunting Thor.

He is taunting him, I can just make it out. Seems to be telling him he couldn't win in a fair fight. Mentions something about Loki being a better brother. Not sure where he is going with this. Now he is telling him about how he was able to easily swoon Jane and Sif into a threeway with his money. Oh, Thor is fucking pissed.

Yes he is. He seems to be losing all sense of whats going on and is just violently attacking Batman. Batman is still taunting him though. Looks like he has finally pushed him over the limit. Whats this? Oh no, Thor is summoning his hammer.

And there it is. That hit will be felt by Bats for years but the bell is ringing. Thor is DQ'd.

I think that was Batman's plan all along.